Có lẽ, ai yêu đơn phương cũng sẽ chấp nhận rằng: chỉ có thể đứng nhìn người ấy từ xa sẽ mang lại một cảm giác vừa bình yên, vừa dằn vặt. Vì đến cuối cùng, điều ta có thể làm được cũng chỉ có vậy mà thôi.

Có lẽ yêu đơn phương là một trong những thứ tình cảm đau đớn và dằn vặt nhất trong cuộc đời này mà bất kì ai dù chỉ trong một khoảnh khắc động lòng cũng khó có thể nào quên được. Ấy vậy mà vẫn có không ít những cô gái, chàng trai lại chấp nhận yêu một người không thể yêu mình trong suốt 5 năm, 7 năm hay thậm chí hơn 10 năm trời để rồi đã, đang và sẽ chỉ nhận lại toàn khổ đau, bất hạnh.

Tình yêu đơn phương cũng được bắt đầu từ những cảm xúc: có cảm động, có hồi hộp, có cả những sự chờ mong. Chỉ khác biệt rằng tất cả mọi suy nghĩ và rung rinh đó chỉ đến từ một phía, từ chính cõi lòng của mình mà người kia không biết được hay biết được rồi nhưng chẳng thể sẻ chia.

Yêu đơn phương là tháng ngày dằn vặt giữa những câu hỏi không có lời đáp: nên tiếp tục yêu lặng thầm hay dừng lại, nên tỏ tình hay không, tỏ tình rồi lỡ người ta không chấp nhận mà còn mất đi cả tình bạn, tình đồng nghiệp, tình anh em hiện có thì phải làm thế nào? Để rồi con tim quyết định bỏ ngỏ tất cả những câu trả lời nên có, chỉ giữ lại cho riêng mình những cảm xúc mạnh mẽ nhưng dằn vặt nhất mà thôi.

Còn gì đau đớn hơn thứ cảm xúc yêu đương mà không được đáp lại, phải ngày ngày nói cười với người ta nhưng trong lòng lại đang chộn rộn, bồi hồi. Mà vậy thì đã thấm tháp gì, tình cảm đơn phương trong lòng thường rơi vào tuyệt vọng khi hết lần này đến lần khác phải chứng kiến những lời nói, những nụ cười, những cử chỉ yêu thương của người ấy, nhưng chẳng phải dành cho ta. Đã bao lần bạn trở về nhà ôm gối khóc uất nghẹn như một đứa trẻ, hả cô gái? Còn các chàng trai, say xỉn thì làm được gì cơ chứ!

Có lẽ, ai yêu đơn phương cũng sẽ chấp nhận rằng: chỉ có thể đứng nhìn người ấy từ xa sẽ mang lại một cảm giác vừa bình yên, vừa dằn vặt. Vì đến cuối cùng, điều ta có thể làm được cũng chỉ có vậy mà thôi. Chỉ cần một ánh mắt, một câu chuyện cười vu vơ hay thậm chí là một cái chạm khẽ vô tình của người ta cũng khiến trái tim thổn thức như có hội, tự hỏi rằng phải chăng con tim người cũng đã chịu hòa chung nhịp đập. Bao nhiêu hy vọng, chờ mong rốt cuộc nhận lại chỉ là một câu nói: “À, thì ra chỉ là ta lại ảo tưởng mà thôi.”

Ta không tiếc tình cảm của mình, chấp nhận làm tất cả chỉ để có thể được ngày ngày trông thấy người ấy, không hối hận khi phải hy sinh mọi thứ, tuy chỉ trong thầm lặng. Nhưng tình yêu ơi, sự thờ ơ, vô tâm của người đang từng ngày, từng ngày giết chết con tim ta. Chẳng lẽ người không nhận ra, hay biết rồi nhưng giả vờ như chưa từng có?

Nhưng đến tận cùng, yêu đơn phương cũng giống như trò tự chơi một mình: lúc bắt đầu thì tự mình vui vẻ, nhưng dần dà con tim sẽ cảm thấy mệt mỏi, chán nản, thất vọng, muốn dừng lại nhưng chẳng thể vì chẳng còn gì khác đáng để chơi. Tình yêu đơn phương đậm sâu với người này đôi khi lại chính là nguyên nhân khiến tình cảm chân thành của những người khác trở thành một gánh nặng mà ta phải từ chối giữ trên vai mình. Theo tình thì tình chạy, chạy tình thì tình theo. Phải chăng đây là một quy luật của cuộc sống mà không phải ai chấp nhận yêu đơn phương cũng có thể hóa giải được và tìm ra lối thoát cho chính bản thân mình.

Nhưng tim ơi, có bao giờ ngươi tự hỏi: thứ cảm xúc quá mạnh mẽ và đậm sâu này cũng có thể mang đến sự sợ hãi, mang đến một gánh nặng không tên cho người ta. Có lẽ người ta cũng biết từ lâu rồi, rằng tình yêu của ngươi đã và đang tồn tại. Nhưng ngoài thờ ơ, giả vờ không biết hay thậm chí né tránh thì người ta cũng chẳng biết phải làm gì cả. Vì người không thể đáp lại nên cho ta hy vọng để làm gì?

Nhưng tim ơi, có bao giờ ngươi tự nghĩ: yêu đơn phương năm bảy hay chục năm trời thì cũng chỉ là một sự ảo tưởng của chính ngươi mà thôi. Vì con người mà, ai rồi cũng phải khác, huống hồ chi ngần ấy năm trời đã trôi qua trong thầm lặng. Ta yêu, là yêu người của hiện tại hay chỉ cố bấu víu lấy một bóng hình của người trong quá khứ để rồi cứ quả quyết rằng con tim mình là trường tồn, bất tận. Đó không phải là tình yêu mà chỉ là một sự cố chấp mà thôi.

Rồi sẽ có một ngày, khi đã đủ những đớn đau, dằn vặt, khi con tim đã đủ mỏi mệt, khi hy vọng đã không còn thì tình yêu đơn phương dù cho có đậm sâu, dài lâu đến mấy cũng phải biết đến hai từ “dừng lại”. Có thể ta không tiếc nuối vì mình đã yêu người chân thành, trọn vẹn. Nhưng suy cho cùng, tình yêu đơn phương cũng chỉ là một sự lãng phí. Vì trong suốt thời gian đó, ta đã bỏ qua hết bao nhiêu cơ hội để yêu và được yêu thực sự, một tình yêu xuất phát từ cả hai phía.

Nguồn: Kenh14.vn-

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